How to Survive the roads at Christmas time (or how not to be a bogan)

How to Survive the roads at Christmas time (or how not to be a bogan)

(by the Ramblings of a Mad Woman)

Ok it might sound a bit weird writing about surviving the roads at Christmas, but here in Australia we have a sub species of human known as the Bogan or Boganus Moronus,  who have evolved enough to drive cars, and 4x4’s on our roads.

So right off the bat I know you are probably shaking your head thinking I am being racist or something like that. But by golly you would feel the same way as me if you have ever had the displeasure of being on the road at the same time as one of these bogans.

So, this is my guide to surviving the roads at Christmas time, but this can of course apply to any time of year.

Step 1. Follow the road rules (you know those pesky things you had to learn to pass your driving test for a license (providing you are driving with one of course))

Road rules have been formulated to diminish accidents and fatalities, these have taken many people, many years to refine. So please use them when you are on the road. They also can help in the prevention of “Road Rage” if applied correctly.

I feel the need to highlight some of these Rules so I will just jot them down here.

1a. Roundabout’s- These were invented to annoy bogans, in particular the big roundabout’s with trees in the centre (you know, those things that prevent you from just driving straight through). When approaching a roundabout, make sure you are in the correct lane in plenty of time, this prevents you from having to side swipe cars as you change lanes at the last minute.

1b. Slow Down- Speed signs are not just for decoration, They are not suggested speeds either. The little sign that tells us what the speed is on that road, is actually there for your benefit as well as all other road users. That little sign is there to save your life, because you can’t handle that heavy death trap you are driving at high speed in those streets. That speed sign is the Maximum speed allowed on that road. Don’t kill yourself because you want to get somewhere fast, the only place you will get is in a coffin, albeit a bogan coffin. Someone who loves you will miss you if you die.

1c. Don’t drink and drive- Now I can hear all the bogans groaning from here. Too bad if you can do donuts on the ride on mower at uncle Elmer’s place after a carton or two. The roads are no place to be if you have been drinking.

Step 2.  Be considerate (this means to consider someone other than yourself). Maintain your Peace and Goodwill.

2a.  Think about what you are doing- generally, if you are obeying the road rules and thinking ahead (you how you have to take that left hand turn a mile up the road and you are in the right-hand lane) you should not bother too many people. But if you are like Uncle Bunny and darting all over the place without indicating, you just might find yourself in trouble and not just from the local boys in blue.

2b.  Don’t tailgate, Or Don’t be a bully on the road- well that is one sure fire way to evoke road rage in even the most pious little old lady. Leave enough space between yourself and the car in front, avoid an insurance claim.

2c. Don’t be rude- to other drivers by flipping them the bird or tooting that horn to announce to the world your displeasure. Be forgiving, if you get cut off don’t go all commando and use your vehicle as a weapon…this is where road rage rears it’s ugly head (a true bogan practice).

Step 3.  Be Prepared.

3a. Avoid Shopping centres, especially in the last couple of shopping days before Christmas. Shop throughout the year, save yourself lots of money and your sanity.

3b. Plan your trips-

whether it is just down the street or across the country, it is wise to plan every time. Long haul drives are tedious and tiring so rest every 2 hours Survive this Drive.

A quick trip to the local shops can turn into a nightmare before you even step foot into a shop. Think about what time you are going, smart people know what they want, where to buy it and how to duck in and out of the shop quickly. If you think you might just stroll into the shop mid-morning some time and have a lookie loo, think again. You most likely will find yourself having a heart attack trying to find a car park. For some strange reason mid-morning is peak Bogan shopping time, so it is probably best to get in early. Car park rage is real.

Final Step.

Remember to have fun with your family and friends and stay off the roads if you can. If you are considerate and obey the road rules you will have a much better chance of surviving the Christmas holidays.

So, Follow the road rules, be considerate, be prepared and have fun. All these things can help you to have a safe and happy holiday season, they can keep you alive and out of jail. That sounds like a good thing to me.

photo credit: QPS My police museum

If you get to the end of this post and think it is too much, these rules don’t apply to you or you don’t agree, then I think you should ask yourself, am I a Bogan?

Merry Christmas

Stay Safe

Rambling Mad Woman

Even our police force went through a Bogan stage, though I am sure they obeyed the rules.